Hearing Hollywood
How can we hear what you’re saying with all that racket?!
My father lost a good portion of his hearing while serving in the National Guard during the 60s.
For years after, my siblings and I thanked him for his service by laughing hysterically any time he managed to incorrectly hear something.
One famous, family memory of his auditory issues took place in the restaurant of an Econo Lodge in Dodge City, Kansas. At one point our waitress approached to check on us and asked my father if he wanted some more ice for his drink to which he replied,
‘No thank you, but when you have a chance, I’d love some more ice.’
Karma is a bitch so it’s not surprising that all of us are now losing our hearing. Too many Dead shows, headphones on full volume, car stereos cranked, and of course, too many movies played at maximum volume.
Can you properly watch the T-Rex appear in the original Jurassic Park for the first time without the volume cranked to 11? I don’t think you can.
My issue, as well as that of my dear old Dad’s, lies with how most hollywood studios, networks, and now streaming services audio mix their content.
Let’s take a recent release to illustrate the point.
The Netflix original film, The Highwaymen starring Woody Harrelson and Kevin Costner as two over-the-hill Texas Rangers who are brought out of retirement to hunt down Bonnie and Clyde.
This is a perfect example because you have two actors doing their best Clint Eastwood impressions. Low, grumbling, hard to hear voices paired with loud action, sudden bursts of tommy gun firepower, and, of course, a soaring, dramatic soundtrack.
From the minute the movie starts I’ve got the remote in hand to turn the volume DOWN because the opening music is way to loud, then UP because a group of prisoners on a work farm are mumbling about breaking out and then DOWN because the gunfire starts as the prisoners break free from the captors. Then UP because Costner is mumbling about the old days after being approached by a Texas politician who needs his help.
UP. DOWN. UP. DOWN.
This goes on for the entire movie. Right up until the final fateful day when the Rangers catch Bonnie and Clyde on the side of some backroad in Louisiana there I am, waiting in the wash, fiddling with volume.
Now there are all manner of products that have been developed over the years to try and remedy this issue while not fully removing the sound effects or soundtrack from the film.
I have vivid memories of watching my father watch Lord of the Rings in the theatre with what looked at the time to be a Laser Tag headset. He seemed quite content.
But wouldn’t it be nice to be able to not have to wear headgear every time you watched a movie?
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to flip on ANY movie and have a preset volume for your TV that pairs with the films so they know in advance hey, Billy likes his volume set at 18 for the whole movie and it never has to change.
We have Verizon Fios and an Insignia Flatscreen. Typically for most shows our volume stays around 15.
The other night Lord of the Rings was on FXX and we had the volume at 65 when Strider was talking to the Hobbits about the Nazgul and then I’d hurry up and race to get it back down to 25 when the action picked up on Weathertop. (By the way if you’re not getting these LOTR references it’s your fault not mine that you are culturally inept.)
Our constant volume dance has another fun wrinkle. Subtitles. The volume bar on most flatscreens appears in precisely the same area as do most subtitles. And my girlfriend will tell you that I have a knack for adjusting the volume at exactly the same moment as some vital piece of plot is being delivered from a foreign tongue.
Now I’m sure there is someone working on a solution for this but if there is not this is a gap in the marketplace that needs filling. I don’t know if the solution rests with Hollywood studios making an additional audio flexible version of the film available to viewers or is there some piece of additional hardware we can buy that automatically tracks the mix and then changes it to fit my preferred audio level?
I don’t know. What I do know is this, the next time you’re watching a movie and constantly raising and lowering the volume just remember your old pal Matty B and rest easy knowing that somewhere out there (beneath the pale moon light) I’m thinking of ways to fix the way we hear Hollywood.
