We’re the Space Invaders

Maybe we should leave Mars alone.

“Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!”

Here is a sampling of headlines from the utopia that is planet Earth on May 10th, 2021:

• Colorado Springs gunman kills 7 people at a birthday party.
• Hamas fires rockets into Jerusalem.
• 4-yr old shot in Times Square.
• Mexican Villages Arm Children.

That’s just a sample. That’s how we’re doing with our problems on Planet Earth.

And that doesn’t even address climate change.

In this article the argument is made that we should lean on and trust science in order to save the human race and that means… colonizing Mars.

So we can save humans.

Maybe we don’t deserve to be saved.

Is that possible?

Imagine for a moment that you moved into a brand new house with your family. And you and your family decide to trash the place and instead of cleaning up and doing some repairs you decide hey, let’s move!

That’s essentially what’s happening. Humans are one collective Catholic priest looking to be relocated.

And in the middle of our zest for invasion and annihilation… Mars.

That planet and whatever lives there is most likely minding its own business. Sure it looks desolate and rocky and uninhabitable, but what the hell do any of us really know?

Maybe the species there is invisible, highly-intelligent and trying it’s best to kill the lights and lay low as Earthlings in our zest for fucking things up invade their planet.

And make no mistake. That is exactly what we’re doing. We are the bad aliens from Independence Day. We are the alien popping out of the dude’s stomach in Alien. We are all collectively Joaquin Phoenix getting the swing away Sign on some poor unsuspecting alien species.

There is zero reason for us to go to Mars. Sure we may pretend it’s some pious purpose like saving ourselves from ourselves, or exploring and uncovering the unknown, but our track record for dealing with the unknown once we know it is pretty fucking terrible.

As we watch uber-nerds Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk face off in an intergalactic Larping event I think we’d be wise to stuff both of them in their lockers for a few years. That goes for NASA, the ESA, China or any other organizations or countries focused on colonizing another planet.

You wanna go to the moon and do some experiments, fine. But exploring, landing on and building a Target on Mars? That is extremely selfish.

And I’m all for science. I love me some science, but colonizing another planet?

Doesn’t that word scare anyone? Have we really done so well with colonization on Earth?

Is that our proudest accomplishment?

E.T. phoned home for a reason.

I know I’m in the minority here, but E.T. left for a reason.

Tell Wilford Brimley I’m out.

The Antareans in Cocoon left for a reason.

I’m sorry, Marvin. There’s nothing I can do except hopefully you’re all smart enough to see us coming.

That cute little NASA helicopter, Ingenuity? Yeah, that’s just the beginning.

Hope Martians are ready for the joys of wondering if that explosion at a gender reveal party is actually an active shooter.